Thursday, June 16, 2011

Deep Breaths

I am a little overwhelmed.
I am done working for a little bit and figured with my time off I would get right into cleaning up, organizing clothes and getting rid of toys H doesn't use anymore. I have done none of this. The toy plan is great...except that I always plan to do it during nap time and then leave all the toys in her room. FAIL!

A simple clean up seems so daunting and impossible right now because I know as soon as I put toys away, clean the table, clean the floor she will wake up and everything will be everywhere again. And even when stuff is put away somehow I am always surrounded by rogue crayons or tea cups. I'm typing this it hit me
I will one day yern for the day that there are stray tea cups and crumbs from breakfast in the carpet. I will ache for the days when she wanted me to join in her tea party..when there were little toys to clean up. I constantly find myself not embracing the moment..I know its just my inability to consistently escape my anxiety & I often need a reminder to stop pulling myself out of the situation and enjoy it for what it is--messes and all.

Because at the end of the day, when I am snuggling with her after we read "one more book", I ask her "Did you have a good day?" and she says "yesh" and I say "me too" what I really mean is 
"YOU, my darling sweet smelling baby, are why all my days are so good."

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