Monday, January 31, 2011

Im All Wrong

Blissdom is a blogging conference. This is pretty much all I know about it. I have read that it is similar to BlogHer-which I also know nothing about. What I have learned is that it is a bunch of conferences about writing and blogging...and thats about it. I have no idea what else goes on there but what I do know is that I was reading my favorite blog and she was talking about all she learned while at Blissdom and suddenly I realized I had been blogging all wrong. 
Not all wrong in general but all wrong for me. 
I was blogging in the way that I had thought mom-bloggers were supposed to blog. I took cues from successful blogs that I had read and followed their lead a bit instead of thinking about what I truly wanted this to be about and just making it mine. I think I did this because I was so hoping that it would be successful and possibly bring in some extra cash-this was stupid. I even had mom-bloggers tell me not to start a blog for these reasons yet I did and expected it to work. WRONG.
I have decided I will no longer follow the blogging style I thought I was supposed to. I always set my posts to post at 6am on a particular day..not totally sure why but I did because I thought that the consistency of that would be appeasing. Screw that-I am now posting my posts when I write them (if I have a few backed up I will sched them but other than that I am writing and posting.) I am realizing that this is MY BLOG. It is going to be more like the title suggests: ramblings.

ENJOY

Monday, January 24, 2011

Cast It or Casket?

 For the longest time I couldn't wait until Hayden would be forward facing in her car seat. I thought about how much easier it would be to keep an eye on her and to pass her snacks or a lost paci. I thought about how much more fun she would have being able to see me and where we were going..oh the car dance parties we could have!
Then, one day, the beautiful Becca who writes The Paro Post blog posted the following video on her facebook page. I was forever a changed mama.


I was so uninformed. I was ignorant and selfish. I wanted Hayden to face forward so it would be easier on me! So it would be fun for me, easy for me, convenient for me
The fabulous thing about rear facing is they don't know any different! When my hubby or mom friends tell me I'm a little neurotic or Hayden must be so bored of looking out the back of the car or she must be so annoyed to have to bend her legs I just simply remind them (as unpreachy as possible) that a broken leg is much easier to fix than a broken spine.

coming home from the hospital...
..she may be bigger and in a different seat but the girl is still RFing and will be until....prom?

Friday, January 21, 2011

25 of 25!!!!

First 10 things you would buy if you won $1,000,000




1- buy a house in full
2- help out our families
3- buy cars of our choice in full
4- go on a family vacation
5- go on a 'just us' vacation
6- put money away for H
7- furniture for our new house

...im pretty much out of money by now so..ya, thanks for playing!

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Who are you?

I Am...so blessed in every aspect of life.

I Want...the economy to get better.

I Have...learned so much about myself this year. A lot of epiphanies.

I Wish...that people could realize that their way isn't the only way.
I Hate...every single member of the Westboro Church (and yes, I mean that.) 
I Fear...predators and the fact that I will not always be there to protect Hayden from them.

I Hear...my loud ass dishwasher.

I Search...for pacifiers way too often.

I Wonder...if we will ever (comfortably) own our own house.

I Regret...judging other mothers.

I Love...the smell of my baby!
I Ache...for the world to accept homosexuality whole heartedly.

I Always...try to put good thoughts into the universe.

I Usually...am a very positive person.

I Am Not...religious but that doesn't mean I am "lost."

I Dance...for Hayden and she loves it!

I Sing...my ass off to Sara Bareilles and to Cee Los "Fuck You"

I Never...thought a love like this existed.

I Rarely...see my best friends but when I do it makes my month!

I Cry...over emotions that generally don't warrant crying.

I Am Not Always...paranoid....but am more often than not.

I Lose...at the "diet game" every.damn.time.

I'm Confused...by parents who refuse to help or acknowledge their child with special needs.

I Need...a big ass money tree.

I Should...be a psychologist but I don't want to go through the schooling.
*this post idea was compliments of Alysha at The Tarr Pit
Hayden Throwback
 1 year ago Hayden had her first "big girl" bath!

Monday, January 17, 2011

24 of 25

10 most influential people/things/events in your life

1. My mom dying
2. My parents
3. My Brother
4. my time spent at Rutgers/working on the llama farm
5. My grandparents
6. a crazy ex and the situation that followed
7. My best friends
8. Anthony
9. having & raising Hayden
10.a childhood experience that need not be elaborated on

Friday, January 14, 2011

SNOW DAY!

Rules of a snow day 
You must stay in pajamas all day.
Music must play loudly throughout the house.
Giggles must be heard by all.
Eating may only be done in bed, on a couch or on the floor.

 Oh hello! Welcome to our snow day

We started by making the bed..and then messing up the bed.

and it was funny.


 Getting Down...

 almost there..

what?

Snow Day Aftermath


Thanks for stopping in! Bye Bye!

Thursday, January 13, 2011

23 of 25

5 Favorite Foods, 5 least favorite foods

Yums:
1. Pasta (yes this is as specific as I can get since I love just about any pasta and sauce combo)
2. mashed potatoes and Steak- medium please. (and mint jelly wouldn't hurt either..its good! dont judge!)
3. Crab legs
4. enchiladas (must come with refried beans and sour cream goodness!)
5. sloppy joes (the deli meat kind and the ground meat kind!)

Yuck:
1. Ham ( Im ok with deli ham)
2. Olives
3. Oysters
4. Cheese fondue
5. liver/canned meat/tongue (ok..i ate it once without knowing and didn't notice but the idea of it makes me want to vomit.)

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Who knew!?

Here it goes..Im putting it out there..
I am glad I am no longer a stay at home mom.

I can't believe I am saying that..

I know some of you are shaking your head in disapproval, some are nodding in agreement and some are wishing they had the chance I did to be a SAHM for 15 months.

Being able to stay home with Hayden for 15 months was amazing. It was such a blessing, I felt and feel so lucky to have had that time with her and I am super happy I didn't have to worry about sending her off to daycare as an infant.

HOWEVER, after having 2 weeks off for the holidays I realized that I am not a good SAHM. I'm just not. Maybe I'm too lazy or maybe its because we don't have a big area to play in, who knows! 
I love spending time with my girl, I love going places with her and being silly together but I in no way provide for her, educationally, the way she needs. It really made me realize that this opportunity (my job) came at the most perfect time. It just goes to show that everything really does happen, when it happens, for a reason.

With that said, I think 15 months was such a perfect amount of time to stay home. I can't imagine, when we have our next child, not staying home. I know we will (hopefully) be in a different living situation and I will probably need to work but I cannot imagine sending an infant to daycare. I give moms who have to do this so much credit! It is like sending your heart to spend the day in someone else. 
Here is my realistic hope (since I non-realistically I would want to be a millionaire and have the option to stay home for a year): I will have the baby around March and then have 6 months to stay home since school won't open until September. Wish me luck...but just not yet because baby #2 aint commin for a loooooooooong time.


Wednesday, January 5, 2011

What Motherhood Has Done to Me..

Motherhood is one amazing thing. I truly never expected to gain all that I have from it. From simply becoming someones mother. 
I believe motherhood to be the most under-appreciated and underestimated job in history because even when you are not with your child or you are seemingly not doing anything (say, once your child is in bed) you are still mom. 

You are still running through your day with your child in your head-wondering if you shouldn't have given him that cookie or if you should have disciplined her more strongly, maybe I shouldn't have let him watch that show or maybe I should have read her one more book before bed.  
After H is in bed my husband thinks of that as my time off from mommyhood and to a certain degree he is right but I am constantly mommying in my head. 
Did I play with her enough? Was I on my phone too much? Am I feeding her a diet that is balanced enough?
I can even get as crazy as to wonder if that time I told her she couldn't walk around with a marker and she cried..will that scar her for life and shape who she will be? Will we go through a stage of me being the worst mom in the world and "ruining her life"?

Aside from making me a questioning fool motherhood has also brought me something amazing (aside from the obv.)
I am more confident.
I am over weight and would like to lose weight just so I feel better in clothes and am healthier but I am comfortable in my own skin and that is the first time in my life I have ever been able to say that..and I know it is because of motherhood. 
I am more confident in my decisions on a daily basis, more confident in my relationships, more confident in my words, my actions and my emotions. 
It didn't happen right away. Its like it grew and grew until one day I just realized what had happened in the last year and a half.

I am, without a single doubt, a better person because of my child. 
I am a better person for her to look up to BECAUSE OF HER.

I knew motherhood made you love more fiercely than you ever thought possible, made you more tired than you knew you could be and made your body change in ways you never knew it could but I never thought it would change how I viewed myself. How I felt about myself. 

Motherhood looks good on me!

 
 

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

22 of 25

10 things you love about yourself

1. I am low maintenance
2. I am honest
3. I play psychologist to my friends and family better than a real psych sometimes..if i do say so myself.
4. My ability to make an awesome kid
5. My empathy
6. My willingness/desire to constantly grow as a person and learn new life lessons
7. My open-minded-ness
8. My thoughtful nature
9. My unafraid-ness (?) to question what we are told to believe
10. My overall awesomeness.