Once my baby, Always my baby.

The legs that once barely reached my naval now dangle well below my hips.

I can no longer cradle her in one arm.

Her eyes that once burned through mine while she sleepily drank a 2oz bottle now rarely meet mine while she eats pizza.

The feet that once kicked my ribs and bladder now tap dance on my kitchen floor.

I no longer need to rock her to sleep in a dark bathroom with the exhaust fan running.

The hair that once only skimmed her scalp actually had to be trimmed.

....and I'm ok with it.

I'm ok with it because the arms that once cradled her small newborn body are now what she runs into when she's happy or scared.

I'm ok with it because even though we may not lock eyes while she eats, her little hand rubbing my arm while we watch TV makes me realize how small she still is.

I'm ok with it because she can now fall asleep on her own because we taught her how.

I'm ok with it because she asks to hold my hand.

I'm ok with it because every now and then she tries to pull her legs up into that squishy newborn position while I hold her.

I'm ok with it because she needs me as much as I need her.

They're Creepy & They're Cooky

no no, not Cookie Monster..

(although I did meet him and I'm 99% sure he thought I was pregnant which is slightly devastating)

I'm referring to The Addams Family!

I was contacted to see if I would be interested in getting free tickets to The Addams Family play on Broadway in return for a review on my "mom blog." I am so not a musical lover..I like Glee and LOVE Rent (the play. not the movie) but that's about it. I have seen several Broadway shows (its a given when you have gay men for parents) and am always waiting for them to be over because its just so...break-out-into-song-for-no-reason.

I accepted the tickets because I knew my (non-bio) dad, Tom, would love to go and thought it would be a nice day out together while my Dad had an adorable day alone with Hayden. I had zero expectations to like the play and figured I'd probably sit in my seat trying to pick out things I could write about. I worried that I would have nothing good to say and since I refuse to bullshit you guys I was, in all honesty, kinda worried about what to write. 

Luckily, I didn't think about any of this during the play because it was really great!

From the moment that Addams Family music started (you know.."bud duh duh duh- snap snap")

and everyone chimed in with the snapping I started thinking maybe this wouldn't be so bad.

Our seats were amazing! Close, center..not near any horribly smelling people or kids with kicking feet and with a perfect view of everything.

The first actor that caught my attention was the actress playing Wednesday Addams, played by Rachel Potter. umm..how to explain her performance...BRILLIANT!

Brad Oscar, who played Uncle Fester, was an amazing dead ringer and hilarious! Roger Rees played Gomez and he felt like he stepped right out of the tv and onto stage. He rocked it.

Jackie Hoffman, playing Grandma, was so amazingly hilarious and brilliant that every time she came on stage laughter immediately followed. Between her awesomely inappropriate innuendos and fart jokes she had young and old cracking up! There were also "ancestors" that were dressed in all white (ya know..because they were ghosts and all) but their intricate outfits were from all different time periods and I loved it so hard!!

Now..you may be wondering about Morticia. For children of the 80's & 90's, like myself, who grew up on The Addams Family and Addams Family Values movies Angelica Hueston will always be our Morticia..but believe it or not 20+ years later I was open to a new one. Brooke Shields was currently playing Morticia Addams and I wanted to like her. I really really wanted to like her. I have generally always liked her and was fully on her side with that whole closeted gay man Tom Cruise-Postpartum Depression thing but she was less than. Ok..that was generous. She was awful. Aside from her disappointing acting/portrayal and her even worse dancing (seriously..Brooke-don't ever go on DWTS..really, its for your own good) her Morticia walk was too slow and her singing...well, luckily she had few singing numbers but I wouldn't kick you in the shin if you suggested she lip sang during group numbers.

side bar: I was totally Morticia for one halloween! I also had very long hair and would flip it over my face and be "Cousin Itt" so imagine my dismay when Itt (and Thing) only appeared for moments during a curtain opening.

Since I do not want to end with a Brooke Shields bashing I will end by saying that this play was fantastic! I loved it, my dad loved it and more importantly it was a wonderful day spent together. We went and spent far too much money at the M&M store (he has an addiction..that he has now passed to Hayden--she has "emmy em" everything) and even got to see some fun street performers!

AND finally: what I want to know at the end of posts like these (where the blogger got free swag) is "In the end would you have spent the money on this had you not been given it?" and to my surprise my answer is "YUP!"

Great Play. Great Day!

(did I really just end with a rhyme??)

I Surrender.

Its not easy to realize, let alone admit, that your child may need more than just you.

H stopped going to school in May because I was done with work. When I got my current job as a nanny I was excited to be able to keep her with me for the time being figuring she would eventually go back to school if for no other reason than the interaction and structure (and the fact that my boss was having another baby in the fall.)

I had October in mind as a possible -yet flexible- go back date but October has turned into NOW.

I have started to see signs of my little monkey turning into an ape...ok that might be a slight over exaggeration. I take responsibility for a lot of her acting out. She is not doing anything abnormal for her age (though I refuse to refer to anything as "the terrible twos") but I know my child and I know that I am not giving her what she needs and wants. I KNOW what she is craving and it was easier than I thought it'd be -while still feeling like a kick in the gut- to admit what it was. She is craving the things school provided her with that I don't. Unforgiving yet gentle structure, peer interaction, well planned educational activities, a unique environment and experience- just to name a few.

You may be asking "Why cant you provide this for your own child asshole!?" Thats the same question I've been asking myself all summer. "Why can you manage a classroom of 30 kids without issue yet not do the same for your child?" Don't worry-I've beaten myself up enough over these questions and still come up short on answers. Maybe its different when its your kid? Honestly, I wish I had a definitive answer but I don't. What I do know is that I have surrendered. I have accepted what my child needs and while most of the time its me right now its not. In the end I think this time apart (Im planning on putting her in school 2 days a week) will make me a better mom...and if that makes me a bad mom to some people oh well. I know what is going to work best for my family and Im very confident that this will be it.

Side bar: When Sept 1 hits I think of summer as being over. (I wonder at what age you stop thinking of 'the year' in terms of sept-may? Wait..am I the only one who does that??) Im kind of devestated that I didnt get to do all the fun outings I had planned for H and I because I got this job unexpectedly and rarely had free time. In an attempt to ease the pain I took her to the Safari at Six Flags on Friday! She is def taking after my love of animals.

and dancing..

(sorry its sideways)

What We've Been Up To in Pictures

H on the bench we got engaged on. Our initials and e-date are carved into it but you cant see in the picture :-(