When the babys away...

Being away from your child induces a weird mix of emotions. 

My MIL asked if she could take H for the weekend and I always hesitate, and for no other reason than I won't be with her..simple enough. I know how much H loves her time with her Gamma and Aunts so I, of course, send her their way. 

Its such an unfamiliar feeling to come home and be completely unscheduled and totally free of responsibility. We have the opportunity to be kinda selfish. No baths to give, no checking to make sure the 20 markers being flung around her room have caps on them, no sleeping with one ear open for the monitor. I am baby-less for 3 days which means I am able to let the mommy side of me completely rest for 3 days...

Breathing is a little lighter when you are baby-free. Its not in a good or bad way...although its a little good. Its nice to get a break from the stress of sticking to schedule, making sure to fit in all the attention, nutrition, hugs, kisses, fun, cleaning and sleep she needs before we get up and do it all over again.

I was enjoying my Cali-time (vs mommy-time) when I felt that squeezing feeling inside that I needed to hear my babys voice. I wasn't able to smell her sweet, strawberry-like smell but I could hear her delicious voice. She was napping when I called but a little while later my phone rings and I hear nothing...then "HI Mommy."

DELICIOUS! 

"HI BABY!! I miss you! were you napping?"

"yeeeaa" 

"Did you just wake up?" 

"yeeaa" 

"are you having fun?" 

"no?" 

(I was waiting for her favorite word to sneak its way into the conversation. As she said it I could picture her silly little head tilting as she raised her shoulder towards it while flashing that stinky grin.)
"i love you baby..can you say I love you mommy?" 

"::insert Haydens attempt at 'I love you'::" 

"I LOVE YOU!! bye bye baby" 

"bye mommy" and she hung up 

(obviously my child is not clever enough to call me on her own and hang up but my MIL sure made it feel that way and I loved it!) 

Hearing my daughter say "mommy" could make me spew rainbows it makes me so freaking mushy gushy. It literally sends warm tingles through my soul. Knowing that in a few days I will see her scrumptious face with arms outstretched waiting to be held against my heart makes me feel so blessed to have family I know love and care for her beautifully but also that I have such a bond with my child that she enjoys her time away but also can't wait to come home!

I'm Getting the Hang of This

Every now and then things seem to be flowing perfectly. 

Our plan, whatever it is at that moment, is being executed beautifully. Whether I'm driving, 
shopping, cooking, playing..I suddenly feel a calm flow from my head down to my

 fabulous new boots  and I think "I'm finally getting the hang of this." 
"This" being life as a mother. 

It feels so good. Like a runners high...or so I imagine (I'm not so much with 
the running....or exercising.) I am, for a moment, super mom. 
Then a few hours days later we are out of sorts. Rushing, anxious, cranky, 
tired, H won't eat/is hungry/ teething/had an untimely poop.. and I am just 
ready for 6:30. 6:30...when H and I read & cuddle before she is off to dream of

puppies & rainbows and I can begin to kinda sorta try to de-stress.

This is the cycle of mommyhood. 

Thinking you finally got it..you figured it out..you nailed 

it down..you can do it all! Then moments, days or weeks later everything changes. Your totally 

figured out child is now into new things, a new schedule needs to be made, their usual favorite

 foods no longer suffice, the laundry is piling up, dinner hasn't been home-cooked in days and 

lets not even delve into that time of day where you have to think about possibly having sex.

We all go through it..and this is why we all do it..

 baby cuddles

 and baby giggles