Wednesday, January 5, 2011

What Motherhood Has Done to Me..

Motherhood is one amazing thing. I truly never expected to gain all that I have from it. From simply becoming someones mother. 
I believe motherhood to be the most under-appreciated and underestimated job in history because even when you are not with your child or you are seemingly not doing anything (say, once your child is in bed) you are still mom. 

You are still running through your day with your child in your head-wondering if you shouldn't have given him that cookie or if you should have disciplined her more strongly, maybe I shouldn't have let him watch that show or maybe I should have read her one more book before bed.  
After H is in bed my husband thinks of that as my time off from mommyhood and to a certain degree he is right but I am constantly mommying in my head. 
Did I play with her enough? Was I on my phone too much? Am I feeding her a diet that is balanced enough?
I can even get as crazy as to wonder if that time I told her she couldn't walk around with a marker and she cried..will that scar her for life and shape who she will be? Will we go through a stage of me being the worst mom in the world and "ruining her life"?

Aside from making me a questioning fool motherhood has also brought me something amazing (aside from the obv.)
I am more confident.
I am over weight and would like to lose weight just so I feel better in clothes and am healthier but I am comfortable in my own skin and that is the first time in my life I have ever been able to say that..and I know it is because of motherhood. 
I am more confident in my decisions on a daily basis, more confident in my relationships, more confident in my words, my actions and my emotions. 
It didn't happen right away. Its like it grew and grew until one day I just realized what had happened in the last year and a half.

I am, without a single doubt, a better person because of my child. 
I am a better person for her to look up to BECAUSE OF HER.

I knew motherhood made you love more fiercely than you ever thought possible, made you more tired than you knew you could be and made your body change in ways you never knew it could but I never thought it would change how I viewed myself. How I felt about myself. 

Motherhood looks good on me!

 
 

2 comments:

  1. Beautifully said and the absolute truth =)

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  2. Motherhood DOES look good on you... love you and H!

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