25 Random Ramblings

You know you want to know!

 

1. I watch the same movies and tv episodes over & over & over.
2. I have to make notes of things I want/need to do because I fear Ill forget but usually just writing it down makes me remember so I don't even need to keep the physical note.
3. The thought of ever moving away from our families breaks my heart because I want H to have the fun sleep overs at her grandparents houses like I had growing up!
4. I love getting rid of stuff! Throwing things out makes me feel refreshed!
5. I have always had a problem with picking the feathers out of down pillows..I just can't stop myself.
6. I'll wait to eat "the good stuff" in the house until Hayden is asleep because I don't want to share them.
7. I am obsessed with capturing moments in H's life & creating memory boxes/scrapbooks etc in hopes that she will never have to wonder what her childhood was like.
8. If I wake up in the middle of the night, even for a moment, I usually have to go to the bathroom because I convince myself that Ill have a "going to the bathroom dream" and pee the bed
9. When I try to kill a gnat by catching it mid-air with one hand & actually succeed...I feel like a ninja!
10. I wrote a notebook to Hayden while I was pregnant and through her first year in fear that if I die she wouldn't know what the beginning of her life was like.
11. I love the smell of dogs paws.
12. I have 3 tattoos.
13. I looove going out to eat. Even if its just to a diner or a random chain restaurant..i LOVE it.
14. I sometimes wish I was the apron wearing, daily dinner making, spotless house having, picture perfect wife.
15. Both of our parents live just 1 hour away but I wish they lived much closer.
16. I would keep everything in pretty bins, boxes and storage containers if I could.
17. I never went through that teenage parent hating stage...I hope H never does either!
18. Drugs were a part of my life from 2001-2003.
19. I am severely paranoid and, for as long as I can remember, thought my cause of death would be murder.(and yes, I know how crazy that is)
20. I'd rather give presents than receive them.
21. Freshman year of college & the summer before it were some of the best times of my life...but I wish I could remember more of it.
22. If someone mentions that they are looking for a particular item I make it a mission to find it and get it for them.
23. I am way more addicted to blogging than I ever imagined.
24.  I cannot wait to have a house and a dog but dread the idea of cleaning and training them.
25. I wish I could be a stay-at-home-mom forever!

Thanks to Alysha for the idea!

CaliLands First Giveaway!

I cannot tell you how excited I am to start giveaways! I love free stuff, I love giving honest, nice business owners more business and I love giving someone the chance to win something.

Especially when its something as cute as these!

Lisa, from Divababies & More, is a mama of 3 and a lover of unique and adorable boutiquey items...but, like most of us, suffered from serious sticker shock. 

I mean seriously, I can't bring myself to pay $24 for a whole outfit let alone a bib!

So Lisa decided to create those unique and adorable boutique-like items but at a fraction of the cost..Divababies & More was born!

Onto the giveaway!

One lucky follower will win a bib and contoured burp cloth set in the pattern/style of their choice!! 

Since not all bibs are listed as part of a "burp cloth set" Lisa has generously offered our winner a matching contoured burp cloth to go with any bib that isn't listed with one.

HOW TO ENTER:

Mandatory Entries

• You must be a follower of CaliLand to enter--so if you aren't go click over there ----> and become a fabulous follower today...and sure you leave a comment saying you're following! 
• "Like" Divababies on FB and leave a comment saying you came from this blog +1

Extra Entries

To get the most entries possible you must leave an 

individual comment below telling me every time you accomplish a task.

• "Like" Ramblings on FB and leave a comment +1 entry
• Go to Lisa's Etsy Shop and tell me which item you'd love to win +1 entries
• Vote for Ramblings from CaliLand at Picket Fence Blogs +1 for each daily vote
• Make Divababies & More a favorite seller on Etsy +1 entry
• Make a status update on Facebook (or Tweet) about this giveaway +2 entries
• Link to this giveaway on your blog +3entries

The winner will be announced on Tuesday July 6th 7:00 am EST

 GOOD LUCK!

Small Stuff

An email will be sent to the winner on Tuesday July 6, 2010. If I am unable to contact the winner & the winner does not respond to the winning post within 48hours a new winner will be chosen. If you accomplish an entry task but do not leave a comment on the blog saying you did so it does not count as an entry. A winner will be chosen by Random.org after 5pm on July 5th.

Does This Blog Make My Ass Look Fat?

TA-DA!!

::enter dramatic revealing motion here::

Since we are 40+ followers strong I figured it was time to get a little work done. 

So Becca from Jumping Jax Designs helped me get all gussied up for you!

I had an idea of what I wanted (based upon awesome work Becca did on other blogs) but I couldn't articulate it because I am not as creative as I'd like to think.

I was a huge pain in the ass and Becca was so sweet to act like I wasn't (though Im sure there were a few curses uttered every time she saw my damn email address in her inbox.)

Aside from running a business and taking care of their sweet little boy, Jaxton, Becca and her husband also have a blog (yes, he is that adorable..he writes posts too!)  
The Paro's been through a lot as a family and it's all worth reading!

Beccas Etsy shop

Beccas Blog

Here is a little taste of what The Paro Post has to offer!

Just Wait

When I was pregnant, lots of people liked to tell me "just wait"s about having a baby, the end of pregnancy, sleepless nights, "cherish each moment...time flies!" etc. etc. Of course, I either didn't believe them or didn't take their advice to heart, and had to learn those things for myself, firsthand. I think that this is true for most pregnant women, as being a mother is something so inane and difficult, yet wonderful at the same time, that you just have to go through it to truly understand. Anyway, I was a girl who thought the "just wait"s were annoying.

And now? To those who whine about not being able to sleep while pregnant, I want to tell them about the fun of waking up every 2 hours with a screaming newborn. Essentially, I want to be the one saying "just wait". BUT, I know how obnoxious and condescending that sometimes sounded to me when I was still pregnant, so I keep my mouth shut.

Friday afternoon, I was at WalMart (::gasp:: the horror!) loading bags into the back of the Murano while balancing a toddler on my hip. I was, in short, a hot mess. My only slightly too large jeans weren't quite staying up, I was holding the stroller in place with one foot (stupid me forgot to lock the thing) and my face had become sweaty because I'm so out of shape that even a grocery/toddler-wrangling session makes me a little out of breath. Yes, I could have put Jax in the car first, but I knew he would throw one of his wonderful temper tantrums about sitting in a warm car for a few minutes because it was past his lunchtime, so I opted to juggle him with the groceries.

Anyway, about this time, two third trimester pregnant, trophy-wife-looking twenty somethings walked by in their designer maternity jeans with their perfectly styled hair and scoffed at me and my hot mess of a self. I could seriously tell they were both thinking "wow, I will so never be like that". Right then is when I wanted to shout JUST YOU WAIT!

Motherhood ain't always pretty, that's for sure. But I guess they'll have to learn that the hard way, like everyone else. :)

A huge hug and 'thank you' goes to Becca..and not just for the perfect redecoration but for helping me with my many photography questions and for inspiring me, through her blog, to start my own!

COME BACK TOMORROW TO 
ENTER OUR FIRST GIVEAWAY!!!

The One with The Melt Down

When my friend and I are out with our 2 girls we have a tendency to push them too far..which then results in the infamous double melt-down. We usually notice the signs that they are beginning to hit a wall but choose to ignore them because we have more to get done, figure they'll last a bit longer or are just having too much fun. To make matters worse the kids usually take their naps in the car on the way to our destination which means it wasn't a good, real nap.

Today was another one of these times. It was too damn hot to be outside so we went out to eat (YAY!) & walked around the "good" mall--it has an indoor play area and carousel!

 

 ..she was not impressed..

H seems to be heading in the direction of going from 2 naps to 1 (though I'm not sure if I'm ready for this) but is still struggling with it. She isn't getting a long enough nap so by 4pm she is craaanky. I know this..I should foresee it..but I don't. I get caught up in all the fun we are having and forget that my baby is about to let the whole mall know she is pissed--and when H is pissed G gets pissed, hence the double meltdown. 

She is in dire need of a bath so once we get home I give her what is possibly the fastest bath she's ever had and while trying to dodge getting her hair rinsed she sticks her whole face underwater..twice. Now she's even more pissed. By the time I get her bedtime bottle she is crying & screaming that painful baby scream. I struggled to get her diaper on (I almost put it on backwards 3 times) and stressfully worked as fast as I ccould to get her in her pjs. We sit down in the glider and..silence. She has her bottle and her blankie and everything is right in the world again. 

She sits on my lap, I wrap my left arm around her and snuggle her while I give her the bottle with the other hand. I give her forehead kisses and rest my cheek on her head while I soak in all the love and baby-ness. Then, the best thing happens. She finishes her bottle, puts her paci in her mouth, pulls her blankie up to her face and curls into my body. We snuggle the best baby snuggles you can imagine then I lay her in her crib, blankie in hand, and leave her to dream her sweet baby dreams.

That moment is one of the best of my day--and not just because the baby is down & now we can party but because its my daily reminder that its not always easy but its always worth it.

Check back here on Monday for the unveiling of our Jumping Jax Designs blog redecoration!

Have a beautiful weekend  

Throwback Thursday

While backing up our pictures I found all sorts of old school pictures on our external hard drive and got super excited! Not only because I found pictures I hadn't seen in a long time but because I knew I could share them with my fabulous followers. So try to refrain from couch jumping and screaming with excitement just long enough to get a little exercise on memory lane with me.

Lets rock this left to right style:

1- My brother giving me hugs on my first day home from the hospital

2- Mom, me & my awesome pigtails!

3- Brother sister love

4- Apparently I was a gangsta karate kid wannabe?

5- Kisses for mommy(I can't wait until H can do this!)

6- I was like a walking advertisement for Fritos

7- Me with some serious bangs..wait a minute--Did I have 'The Rachel' haircut in the 80s?!

8- I assume this was Halloween but it could've just been a regular day..hard to tell.

9- How awesome is CaliLand?--"THIS AWESOME!"

When we were young & skinny

My days as a farm manager and pastry chef assistant 

OK..now you can couch jump.

A Long Ass Birth Story

Since I didn't start my blog until after H's 1st birthday I figured I would post her birth story now. Its long & not too eventful (thankfully) but it was such an awesome day in our lives that I had to share.

After having contractions for weeks (and a trip to the dr to be monitored for 45mins only to be sent home feeling like a nut job) hubby and I went to see The Hangover. I guess the belly laughs (and some "natural labor inducing remedies") got baby ready to rock because by 8:30pm my daily contractions got stronger & were about 5mins apart. Being my overzealous self I called the dr & he said to go to the hospital to get checked so we got everything together and off we went.

 Heading to the hospital, praying that this is it!

Looking back and knowing what I know now I fully could have labored at home for MUCH longer but I was too excited. We arrived at 10:30pm and were assigned the most amazing nurse. She checked me, said I was around 2.5cms (I was slightly over 1cm on Wednesday when the dr did something called stripping membranes but lets not go there) and after being hooked up to the monitor she saw that my contractions were strong and about 2-4min apart. She had us walk the halls for about 2 hours (for me, this meant getting a snack at every vending machine we passed because I didn't know when I would be allowed to eat next.) Yes, I needed to get further along before being admitted but I now realize that she probably did this to get me checked in after midnight so I would get a longer hospital stay because she, as previously mentioned, was awesome!

 Here I am in all my sexy hospital gown glory walking the halls

My contractions were getting stronger but I was still walking and talking through them so we decided to make a few "The baby is coming!!" phone calls. Around 1:30am they admitted me (I was slightly over 3cms.) They offered an epidural at the get go but I declined. I knew I would get one later on but I really wanted to experience as much of my labor as possible-I also wanted to be able to walk around or shower if I wanted.

At 3:20am the Dr came in and told me they would like to break my water to get things going and offered an epi again saying the contractions would get a lot more intense but I still wanted to wait...because I'm a badass.
Once they broke my water I got to sit a glorified wee-wee pad the rest of my labor..awesome. The Dr was apparently all comfy cozy & sleeping away in a room somewhere while my contractions got really intense. They were getting really hard to breathe through and they were horribly painful in my back. Gail, the awesome nurse, said the shower helps a lot so I went in and it was amazing. After being in there for about an hour I realized my skin was comparable to a lobster so I got out. Apparently "an hour" in my mind was a few hours in real life because by the time I got out it was light out.

 Here's the excited Daddy just waiting for this labor nonsense to hurry the hell up!

As I got out of the shower I sat down & tried to keep breathing through my contractions but they had gotten so painful & close together that there was barely time in between them to catch my breath..bring on the epidural!! 

I was very happy with my decision to wait as long as possible and I was also very happy with my decision to get the epi because I could finally breathe and sleep! At 6:30am Mr.Epidural came in..and he was an asshat. He was having trouble getting the epi in & kept telling me I had "a lot of bones in my back"--what the fuck does that even mean?! He then asked me if I was sure that my back surgery was where I was saying it was and if I was sure I knew what I had done..SERIOUSLY?! Anthony got so annoyed he chimed in & Mr. Asshat suggested he "go get a cup of coffee" (read: get the fuck out) and Ant did, which is good since he probably would've gotten into a fight with the man who was about to stick a giant thing in my spine. 2 shots of Novocain & failed attempts later he called in another guy who actually passed 3rd grade and he got it in. BLISS! My blood pressure started dropping so they gave me oxygen and I stayed on and off it until I delivered.

At 7am Gail came in to tell me her shift was over. I told her she was amazing and thanked her so much while in my head I was yelling "NOOOO!!! You can't leave! Don't you want to stay with me through my whole labor and meet my baby?!?"--clearly she did not because we soon met our new nurse. She was the unsolicited advice giving, "push! you can do it" nurse..ugh! I was given Pitocin because I was only 4cms and at 9:15am they inserted an internal monitor, that touched the babys head, to monitor the baby and the contractions better. 

 I wasn’t making any progress. They started talking about the possibility of a c-section if I wasn’t moving along in a little bit. At 9:45am they started running fluids through a blood warmer and it went through a tube & into my uterus so the baby had more cushioning on the cord during contractions.

At 11am I apparently felt that it was time to throw up then the Dr came in for more c-section talk. I obviously didn't want to have a c/s but I would do whatever it took to get baby out safe so I very quickly came to terms and was fine with it.
I signed the surgery papers and the nurse started prepping us for how the surgery would go etc..

Shortly after, the dr came in to check me and I was 10cm. Apparently it was time to push…uh WHAT?!
I had it set in my mind that now I was getting a c/s...I mentally replayed all the c/s deliveries I'd seen on tv and prepared for that but now I had to switch from that to pushing..ya, I was a little thrown off my game.

I started pushing at 11:55am. I couldn’t feel the contractions in the beginning because the epi was still wearing off but after awhile I could tell when I was having them bc of the awful pressure. Instead of watching the monitor the annoying nurse was chatting away like we were at a fucking cocktail party so I constantly had to say, "is THAT a contraction?" I started getting really tired, out of breath and felt defeated. Around 1pm I started crying & talking about how she was going to live in there forever because I was convinced my muscles were giving out and I couldn't do it anymore. After 10+hours the super zen laboring woman left my body and a defeated, uncertain & exhausted woman entered.

Hayden Debra finally made her debut on June 8^th at 1:08pm! 

She weighed 7lbs 13oz was 18.5 inches long and her head was 34.5cm

She was perfect

She was put on her hysterically crying, joy filled mommy (which is why our first picture together [below] is such an unattractive one)but was quickly swooped away. She wasn't crying and people seemed worried. We were worried. As I looked up at my husband he just stared blank faced at the nurses while they vigorously rubbed our quiet girl. We asked if everything was ok and they finally decided, yes she was she was just super calm. I got her back and started sucking her hands so hard- I knew this one was going to be a good eater..I have no idea where she could've gotten that..

I handed her off to Anthony while I got all fixed up and he just in awe. She was amazing! No jaundice, no eating problems, no colick--actually, we didn't even hear her cry until the second day. People kept mentioning how calm she was & how she was the only baby in the nursery who wasn't screaming--we didn't know then but this would speak volumes about the baby/toddler she would become.

We fall deeper in love every day and are just as obsessed with her as the day we met her! 

 Jumping Jax Designs is redecorating CaliLand!! 

Stay tuned for the unveiling!

Oh How Silly Of Me..

How young, optimistic, energetic, carefree and..whats the word Im looking for..oh ya, stupid I was when I used to say I would like to have my kids be very close in age and no more than 2 years apart. HA!

This is G (the daughter of one of my bff's so, by default, my daughters bff!) She is adorable, absolutely hysterical and sweet as can be..I mean really, she even shared her lunch with her teddy bear.

The age difference between G and H is just shy of what it would be like had I had another child right away. I love G dearly but watching the girls just further solidified my desire to in no way have another child any time soon. Not only is it exhausting but its just feels impossible sometimes to do everything I want/need to do with only two arms/hands! On a related topic, octopus moms must be super efficient and THANK GOODNESS for Sesame Street!

We live in a small 1 bedroom condo that we have had to work magic on in order for the 3 of us to fit comfortably (thank you Ikea!) but even if we lived in a home with plenty of space I still would not be interested in having a child in the near future. I don't know if these are the types of things you aren't supposed to say aloud but fuck it, I do because its true. 

The second my daughter was born I knew right away that it was just going to be the 3 of us for a while. Its hard to explain but I guess I feel like everything about having another child, right now, would just take away time, focus & moments with H (especially if my first trimester reared its ugly feel-like-shit head again.) Don't get me wrong, I loved being pregnant (after the first tri) and look forward to it again some day but not soon.

I think it works for some people (having 2 under 2 etc) but I feel like both children would suffer, in my case. I know I would not be able to give both the attention I would like them to have or the attention they deserve. I also think the educational teachings/playing I would need to do with H would suffer because I would be overwhelmed with all that comes with being a mom of a newborn. I give A LOT of credit to those who do it seemingly effortlessly! 

Two weeks ago I watched my cousins 5 week old for a half hour, at most, while she showered. Between her needing all the rocking, comforting & food that a newborn needs combined with H's desire to cover every inch of the house and climb every step it became slightly stressful. This was a bit surprising for me since I, if I do say so myself, took very easily to motherhood and all the comes with it and that is, in part, due to the fact that I had a very good baby. Which brings me to another topic, what the hell would I do if I had a colicky baby and H?! 

Just talking about all this gives me anxiety and, obviously, makes me ramble.

I just know that what is best for our family is to spend as much time with H and our family of 3. Soak up every cuddle, every smile, every new milestone met, every baby-booty shaking dance and just focus on creating lots of memories. Then in about two years when we, hopefully, live somewhere that is larger than 600 sq feet we will be very excited to welcome a new little monkey into our crazy clan!

Letters to My Former Self

Dear newborn Cali,
Welcome to the world! Get ready for one hell of a ride.

Dear 6 month old Cali,
Your parents are going to separate. You will never know your family as a "normal" family of 4 or have any memories of your parents as a married couple but its ok. They remain great friends and keep life as normal as possible.

Dear 7 year old Cali,
 A few weeks before your 8th birthday your mom is going to die. She couldn't fight anymore..breast cancer is a fucking asshole (sorry for the language but you're almost 8...you can handle it!) You will all too vividly remember the day she died as well as her funeral and this sucks. I am sorry. You're life is going to be very different than the lives of your friends and I am sorry to tell you it will never get easier. Luckily, the man you marry has the most amazing mother so if you just wait you will gain a mother later in life.

Dear 7-8 year old Cali,
Your uncle has died. He passed less than 2 weeks after your mom and this will forever change your grandmother. She lost 2 kids in 1 month and it was too much. It will be a long, sad battle for her and there isn't much you can do other than visit, visit, visit! Spend as much time with her as possible because if you dont you will regret it forever..not to mention she's hilarious so have fun!

Dear pre-teen Cali,
You experience(d) a lot before you even become a teen. Any day now your dad is going to tell you that he is gay. Initially you won't know what it means because right now this is not very common. You'll be wary of telling too many people but don't worry, in a few years its much more accepted and you'll be able to relax--but I hate to tell you, the worrying about gay-bashing and harassment of your family doesn't ever subside. Just know that being raised by 2 gay men shapes you into an awesome person!
In these years you will also go through some stuff that changes you forever. Talk about it..it helps. If you don't it'll weigh on you forever.

Dear 13 year old Cali,
You have finished Hebrew school and have decided not to continue in religion. You will tell your family that you don't believe in it and aren't sure if there is a god. You don't know it now but this is referred to as being Agnostic (yes, there is a name for it...you aren't alone.) Thankfully, your family is supportive and understanding but others may try to convince you that religion is the way to go--stick to your heart. Not being involved works better for you..but stay open minded and still go to church with your friends. Its a good learning experience.

Dear 15 year old Cali,
You have fallen in love. You behave like an ass and do stupid shit but its all life lessons so don't be too hard on yourself. Soon you will learn that guys will treat you like shit if you let them so DON'T LET THEM! Its easier said than done, I know, but if you don't let them it will help you for the rest of your life. Right now you think you have no reason to be confident or have good self-esteem but you do, so own it!
Oh, and you'll be meeting a girl named Loryn soon. Try to remember as much as you can about your budding friendship because you will be best friends forever!

Dear 16 year old Cali,
You know that guy your dating? I should probably warn you...shit hits the fan. Yes, it's all a learning experience but try to get out of the relationship as early as possible. If you wait too long it gets bad-he gets crazy and you'll forever be looking over your shoulder.

Dear 18 year old Cali,
This summer is going to be the best of your life! You are off to college soon but you will almost fail out because you.....partake in too many things that are not FDA approved. Luckily, you meet & fall in love with a guy who kicks your ass into gear. Take a lot of pictures, write down lots of memories (yes-use that journal you always said you would write in but never do) and try to soak it all in because..are you ready for this? You guys are going to get married!

This will be your favorite picture of you two for a long time!

Dear 21 year old Cali,
-Insert a HUGE life lesson here-

Dear 23-24 year old Cali,
You recently had to drop out of college because of back surgery (don't worry, the residual pain won't be this bad forever!) You are probably trying to figure out your place in the world and feel like you may not fit anywhere but just wait a little longer and it will come to you.
Congratulations are in order-You're engaged!! ...and the ring is fabulous! ;-)

Dear 24 year old Cali,
SURPRISE!! You're pregnant! You should (and will) move the wedding up. It will be a beautiful white wedding (yes, there will be a blizzard but you'll be such a calm bride you won't let it get to you!) I know its hard because you feel like crap but focus on the details and look harder for a dress! The right one is out there and you will regret it if you don't at least try.
OH! and get a better DJ!! If you can't afford it, use an ipod...anything will be better than that asshat of a DJ you pick.

Dear 25 year old Cali,
Bet you didn't know you were such a toughie, huh? You kicked labors ass!!

Dear present day Cali,
You had no idea love like this exsisted. Your baby gets more perfect each day. Your husband is a pain in your ass but he is hysterical and you guys are each-others lobsters. This has been the best year of your life but just a few suggestions. Stop complaining about how you look and go to the dr and work out! Make dinner more often..you are a wife and a mom-step it up woman! Clean your damn kitchen floor..you've had a note on the counter reminding you to clean it for over 2 weeks and its still dirty! Most importantly, try not to put yourself last so often..you work hard too.

Things I Thought I'd Never Do...and then I became a Mom

Personally, I have always believed I was ready for motherhood. I was ready to be selfless, sleepless and hot-body-less long before I actually had my daughter. Every now and then, though, I catch myself doing something and thinking " I really never thought I'd do that":

So here are some of my cringe-worthy, cute (?) & normal(??) 

 ..I really never thought I'd... 

• Get super pissed that Sesame Street doesn't make new episodes frequently
• Wish that leaving your kid in the car while running into 7-11 for snacks wasn't dangerous, illegal and stupid
• Feel that stores without drive-thrus ruin everything (ok..that's a blatant lie, I've thought about this for as long as I've been lazy)
• Drink from a sippy cup or bottle
• Let my kid watch an hour of Sesame Street just so I could get a little extra sleep
• Eat food that has been sucked on by my child, fallen out of her mouth or been found stuck to her or her clothing
• Melt into a puddle of love every.single.time my daughter rests her head on my shoulder
• Not shower/change clothes immediately following a "vomit shower"
• Wish that forward facing car seats were safer
• Have my shirt double as a baby tissue (only when nothing appropriate is available...for the most part)
• Co-sleep (it may be the only reason I didn't experience severe sleep deprivation those first few months)
• Inspect a poopy diaper that "just looks weird"
• Try pureed meat

Just to name a few. I'm sure plenty more will come to me..probably enough to write another post. 

So stay tuned!

The day the person that would have me do things "I never thought I'd do" was brought into my life

If you have your own gross, embarrassing or weird things that you never thought you'd do before marriage or parenthood leave them as a comment--so I can feel less disgusting.

Inspiration with a Side of Awesome

As I sat in awe while reading the blog of a fantastically creative photographer, writer and mother I came across a paragraph that gave me chills.

"Once you become a parent...once you start feeling a little funny and you buy that pregnancy test...once you see a pink plus sign...once you know it's not just you anymore...well, you automatically carry around, for the rest of your life, an increased likelihood. To have your heart broken. And it's a constant fear that we struggle to put to rest."

 Kelle Hampton takes my breath away. Her writing is impeccable, her photography is inspiring and her story is uplifting, heartbreaking and beautiful all at the same time. Her honesty about finding out her daughter had Down Syndrome upon her birth is so refreshing. She doesn't play the bullshit card. She first found out her baby had DS when she was placed on her chest immediately following her birth. No one said a thing..her tests during pregnancy were normal..it was a complete shock and she admits it. She speaks extremely candidly about how heartbreaking and hard it was, how angry she was..and every other thing that most people would never admit.

Ok, enough girl-crushing and back to the chills. 

Once I found out I was pregnant a knot of fear set up permanent residence in my throat. I could never articulate why it was there in a non-cliche way..so Kelle did it for me. Its the ever present worrying about your innocent bundle of delicious tiny toes and sweet baby breath. When baby is inside your belly the worrying is present but much much less than when they are out in the world and exposed to all the elements of life. As a parent or parent-to-be you sort of expect to worry about your childs happiness, safety & health as well as worrying about making the right choices for them, you and your family. Those are generally a given but a feeling that isn't always anticipated is the feeling that your heart can be broken at any moment. I won't go into detail about all the ways your heart can be broken once you become a mommy or daddy because if you are a parent you already know, if you are going to be a parent you will feel it in your own way and if you never plan on having kids then you get the get out of jail free card. The Hampton family's hearts broke in ways that none of us could ever comprehend (and hopefully never have to) but she put the "Enjoying the Small Things" spin on their "situation" and..I'll just quote her since I could never say it as well as she does:

"we are not defined by the things that happen to us.  We are defined by how we embrace those things, and Nella's little "diagnosis" does not change the fact that life is big and beautiful and meant to be enjoyed."

They decided to embrace life and all it has to offer, big and small, and live it as hard as they could! While I always have in the back of my head and heart the ifs, ands & buts of life as a parent I have to maintain my focus: give our family the most amazing, fun, creative, beautiful adventures and life we can live and embrace every second of every minute. Easier said than done since my anxiety skyrockets when I think about all the horrible things that can happen in this world (granted, I have always done this to some extent but since having my sweet girl it skyrockets x 2000) but I can try my hardest..and I will.

I leave you with a wonderfully honest excerpt from the beautiful birth story (accompanied by beautiful pictures) of Nella Cordelia. 

"I knew the minute I saw her that she had Down Syndrome and nobody else did. I held her and cried. Cried and panned the room to meet eyes with anyone that would tell me she didn't have it. I held her and looked at her like she wasn't my baby and tried to take it in. And all I can remember of these moments is her face. I will never forget my daughter in my arms, opening her eyes over and over...she locked eyes with mine and stared...bore holes into my soul.

Love me. Love me. I'm not what you expected, but oh, please love me.

That was the most defining moment of my life. That was the beginning of my story. I don't remember a lot here. My friends have filled me in, but I feel like I was in a black hole. I know I held her. I know I kissed her. I know I begged every power in the world that this wasn't happening...that she was normal, but I knew in my soul exactly what this was"

Window Shopping Wednesday

I saw WSW on a few other blogs and decided it would be perfect for me since I have the problem of yearning for things we either don't have room for, can't afford or things that we have no use for whatsoever (for example: complete outdoor furniture sets...not too useful when living in a 1 bedroom condo).

Other than drooling over things I want but, for the aforementioned reasons, don't have I will also be sharing any recent purchases that I feel are blog-worthy. So lets go shopping!!
 

Oh super deep, comfy cozy lounge sectional (in pewter to be exact) how I love you so! While torturing myself browsing in Crate and Barrel one day I decided to sit on this delicious looking couch. I had no idea that this simple act would start an unhealthy obsession with a piece of furniture. I dream of the day when we have a house and can afford this $2000+ sofa!  
(....and maybe..sometimes, when I haphazardly find myself in a Crate & Barrel, in the area where they happen to keep the sectionals and this one happens to be on display...I may roll around on it with no concern for who is watching.)

 I first learned about Clinques 'Even Better Clinical Dark Spot Corrector' while reading a parenting magazine. I usually scan a review if it looks like something I've been thinking about using but always take them with a grain of salt because my oh-so-skeptical husband has convinced me that magazines are compensated for positive reviews and that they are bullshit. Well, what can I say, I am a sucker for "Mom Tested" stuff! So when I read comments from moms who tried and loved this product I decided I would treat myself when I had the extra ::cringe:: $50. 
I, like many other moms, developed a few dark spots on my face (thanks pregnancy!) and this, supposedly, helps lighten them--as well as even out complexion and some other magical stuff. Ive been using it for about 2 weeks now and I definitely notice my skin being SUPER soft (I actually caught myself caressing my cheek one morning). Very little evening out has happened (it claims it takes 4wks..and it is recommended that you use it with a 3-Step Skin Care System but screw that because I just paid $50 for 1oz of stuff that looks like baby making "formula"!) but I am pretty confident that by the end of the 1oz bottle I will look like Heidi Klum.


If you have any recommendations for awesome products feel free to leave them in the comments!

Ramblings From CaliLand was not compensated or prompted to write any of the above reviews.

They Have Jobs in CaliLand?

Growing up I had a bit of an obsession with waitressing. I don't know if it was the cool pads that they got to write orders on or the idea of bringing people what they so desired but I loved it. I had my own order-taking pad from Staples and would go around our family parties taking drink orders. I don't know if I actually followed through with bringing people their drinks but I'd like to think I did. One of my first jobs was as a waitress...sort of. I worked at an ice cream shop that had about 7 tables and a full menu. I mainly worked the ice cream (because clearly my boss could tell, I knew my ice cream) but every so often I would get to play waitress..and to my surprise I was not a very good waitress. Personality-wise I was everything you would want in a server but memory/order taking?..I was not the quickest. Needless to say, I would fair HORRIBLY in a seriously busy restaurant. I imagine I would cry within the first hour of a dinner rush. My favorite memory of my waitressing days was when I was asked, by a customer, to pack up her left over fries. As I was walking out of the kitchen, boxed up fries in hand, I dropped the box and fries went all over the sticky kitchen floor. I quickly packed the fries back into the box and thought "Who reheats fries anyway?! They'll get soggy & she'll just wind up throwing them away so its fine." Awesome.

I have had a plethora of unique jobs. My dad never made me work but I wanted to. At 13 I told him I wanted to work so I got a job as a counselor in training (a CIT) at the camp I attended as a kid..at least I thought it was a job. I didn't know at the time but you have to pay to be a CIT. So my dad had to pay a hefty amount  for me to work..had I known this I probably wouldn't have been so cool with being the go-to person when campers accidentally peed themselves. Eventually I grew out of my CIT status and actually got paid to work at the camp as a head counselor.
I had a tendency to jump from job to job once I felt I could do something cooler, more fun, more profitable etc or once I felt I had learned all that I could learn from that job (read: I hated the people and couldn't take it anymore).

From the ages of 13-25 these are the jobs I held, in order :
Camp Counselor (I did this several summers sporadically through the years)
Ice Cream scooper/bad waitress
Kennel assistant at an animal hospital
Children's Toy Boutique worker (creepiest boss EVER)

--Somewhere in here I worked at a gym daycare but I can't exactly remember when..I must have blocked it out-- 

Papa Johns Pizza maker (I worked here for exactly 4hrs and 20mins)
Ice Cream masher at Maggie Moos (I eventually worked my way up to making the ice cream..which eventually just became eating the ice cream as it came out of the machine)
Veterinary technician
Alpaca & Llama farm manager (<3)
Nanny of 2 (:-\)

Pastry Chef assistant
Gym morning manager (yes, morning manager which meant I had to be there before the sun rose)
Reservation Manager at The Melting Pot
Assistant to the VP at my father-in-laws company
Nanny of a cutie pie

...and then came the job I had been waiting for while I was working all these meaningless (in comparison) jobs.

Stay at home Mommy


As you would expect a SAHM to say, it is the hardest, most awesome job Ive ever had. I get to watch my daughter grow every second. I am SO lucky to not have to drop her at daycare and worry that someone isn't caring for her how I would (a huge source of anxiety for me). I get to kiss every boo boo, cuddle before each nap and hear every laugh. It may be a 24 hour a day, 7 day a week, 365 days a year job but I wouldn't want to to do anything else!
   Don't get me wrong, it is not for everybody & I take my breaks when i can get them! (thanks to my amazing mother in law)
My working mom friends also have an incredibly hard job because they do have to drop their babies off and worry about them all day. They experience a mom guilt that I cannot even fathom and I give them SO much credit because they are some seriously strong mamas!!

My boss daughter has woken up from her nap and is sounding the lunchtime bell--off to work I go. :-)

Narcissism at its finest

Did you hear that?? That was the sound of me jumping on the blogging bandwagon. I've thought about blogging for a while but wasn't sure I had too much to say that was of interest and was convinced the only person that would read it was my best friend..and Im ok with that. If someone other than friends or family decides Im worthy of a bookmark then I'll be thrilled but in the meantime Ill just introduce myself to those that are reading even though they know me already.
You may, or may not, be asking yourself "What is CaliLand?" Well my lovely follower (yes, Loryn, you are my only follower as of now) CaliLand is the creation of my parents. Growing up they would joke that I lived in a place called CaliLand-which I assumed was my own little world where people wanted and liked the same things as me, thought I was hilarious and thoroughly enjoyed me and my antics. After receiving a "throne" they made for me out of a bar stool I slowly realized they thought it was my own little kingdom where things were just my way..CaliLand. I have kept CaliLand with me ever since because, lets me honest, who wouldn't want their own land? So this will be the updated version of CaliLand..back then it was in my head but now its out in the blogosphere.

More about me?? OK! I tend to overuse "..." and put commas where they don't belong. I try to spell check so I don't look like an asshole but sometimes that is unavoidable. I love food-cliche? perhaps but so undeniably true. I would dare to say it is near the top of the list of what my friends and family would say about me. Food and dessert..ya, thats all me but as much as I love these things I cook and bake way too rarely. My kitchen is very small and hardly conducive to cook or bake the way I wish I could so I do it rarely to avoid the frustration..and clean up. I can cook (read: I can follow recipes. I rarely get creative or inventive) and bake but tend to make the same things over and over because I have a fear of things not coming out well or not liking them and then I feel like I have wasted money on the ingredients. I am horrible at cleaning. There are generally 3 times I REALLY clean. 1)When people are coming over. 2) When its so bad its unavoidable. 3)When I get in a random frenzy of "need-to-clean" mode and I jump from cleaning one thing to the next so quickly that nothing actually gets a good, proper cleaning. Confession: I have the terrible tendency of cleaning my bathroom with baby wipes instead of some sort of real cleaner.
Alysha, from The Tarr Pit, seems to be awesome at knowing how to clean/keep her house (and meal plan, and cook daily--does envy come across in writing?) My MIL is also an amazing cleaner and I really do envy that skill--yes, I believe it is a skill. She has a desire to keep things clean and the ability to do so. I grew up with a housekeeper (leave your gasps, sighs, giggles and "ughs" here ________) so I feel like I never really learned how to clean and keep a home. More on that another time (so come back because I bet it'll be a thriller!)
I do, however, love organizing and throwing things away. Nothing feels as good as when you throw out/donate a bunch of your stuff that you haven't used in months or years..It sucks though when you are married to someone who HATES doing this. (again, more on that another time.)

Surprisingly, i have much more to say but I will leave you yearning for more.