Monday, June 21, 2010

Letters to My Former Self

Dear newborn Cali,
Welcome to the world! Get ready for one hell of a ride.

Dear 6 month old Cali,
Your parents are going to separate. You will never know your family as a "normal" family of 4 or have any memories of your parents as a married couple but its ok. They remain great friends and keep life as normal as possible.

Dear 7 year old Cali,
 A few weeks before your 8th birthday your mom is going to die. She couldn't fight anymore..breast cancer is a fucking asshole (sorry for the language but you're almost can handle it!) You will all too vividly remember the day she died as well as her funeral and this sucks. I am sorry. You're life is going to be very different than the lives of your friends and I am sorry to tell you it will never get easier. Luckily, the man you marry has the most amazing mother so if you just wait you will gain a mother later in life.

Dear 7-8 year old Cali,
Your uncle has died. He passed less than 2 weeks after your mom and this will forever change your grandmother. She lost 2 kids in 1 month and it was too much. It will be a long, sad battle for her and there isn't much you can do other than visit, visit, visit! Spend as much time with her as possible because if you dont you will regret it forever..not to mention she's hilarious so have fun!

Dear pre-teen Cali,
You experience(d) a lot before you even become a teen. Any day now your dad is going to tell you that he is gay. Initially you won't know what it means because right now this is not very common. You'll be wary of telling too many people but don't worry, in a few years its much more accepted and you'll be able to relax--but I hate to tell you, the worrying about gay-bashing and harassment of your family doesn't ever subside. Just know that being raised by 2 gay men shapes you into an awesome person!
In these years you will also go through some stuff that changes you forever. Talk about helps. If you don't it'll weigh on you forever.

Dear 13 year old Cali,
You have finished Hebrew school and have decided not to continue in religion. You will tell your family that you don't believe in it and aren't sure if there is a god. You don't know it now but this is referred to as being Agnostic (yes, there is a name for aren't alone.) Thankfully, your family is supportive and understanding but others may try to convince you that religion is the way to go--stick to your heart. Not being involved works better for you..but stay open minded and still go to church with your friends. Its a good learning experience.

Dear 15 year old Cali,
You have fallen in love. You behave like an ass and do stupid shit but its all life lessons so don't be too hard on yourself. Soon you will learn that guys will treat you like shit if you let them so DON'T LET THEM! Its easier said than done, I know, but if you don't let them it will help you for the rest of your life. Right now you think you have no reason to be confident or have good self-esteem but you do, so own it!
Oh, and you'll be meeting a girl named Loryn soon. Try to remember as much as you can about your budding friendship because you will be best friends forever!

Dear 16 year old Cali,
You know that guy your dating? I should probably warn you...shit hits the fan. Yes, it's all a learning experience but try to get out of the relationship as early as possible. If you wait too long it gets bad-he gets crazy and you'll forever be looking over your shoulder.

Dear 18 year old Cali,
This summer is going to be the best of your life! You are off to college soon but you will almost fail out because you.....partake in too many things that are not FDA approved. Luckily, you meet & fall in love with a guy who kicks your ass into gear. Take a lot of pictures, write down lots of memories (yes-use that journal you always said you would write in but never do) and try to soak it all in because..are you ready for this? You guys are going to get married!

This will be your favorite picture of you two for a long time!

Dear 21 year old Cali,
-Insert a HUGE life lesson here-

Dear 23-24 year old Cali,
You recently had to drop out of college because of back surgery (don't worry, the residual pain won't be this bad forever!) You are probably trying to figure out your place in the world and feel like you may not fit anywhere but just wait a little longer and it will come to you.
Congratulations are in order-You're engaged!! ...and the ring is fabulous! ;-)

Dear 24 year old Cali,
SURPRISE!! You're pregnant! You should (and will) move the wedding up. It will be a beautiful white wedding (yes, there will be a blizzard but you'll be such a calm bride you won't let it get to you!) I know its hard because you feel like crap but focus on the details and look harder for a dress! The right one is out there and you will regret it if you don't at least try.
OH! and get a better DJ!! If you can't afford it, use an ipod...anything will be better than that asshat of a DJ you pick.

Dear 25 year old Cali,
Bet you didn't know you were such a toughie, huh? You kicked labors ass!!

Dear present day Cali,
You had no idea love like this exsisted. Your baby gets more perfect each day. Your husband is a pain in your ass but he is hysterical and you guys are each-others lobsters. This has been the best year of your life but just a few suggestions. Stop complaining about how you look and go to the dr and work out! Make dinner more are a wife and a mom-step it up woman! Clean your damn kitchen've had a note on the counter reminding you to clean it for over 2 weeks and its still dirty! Most importantly, try not to put yourself last so work hard too.


  1. Damn girl! thats was a pretty intense list! It sounds like going through all of that has made you into an awesome girl, one who is strong and knows whats important in life:)

  2. Thanks Tia! Ya I am pretty awesome lol It may suck going through hard shit but, you are right, it definitely makes you realize what is important.

  3. Hi There. This is really great. If only all parents took the time to do the same. Some of it made me laugh, some made me cry like a damn baby. what can I say, I'm old and sentiMENTAL. Thanks so much for taking the time to come to my blog. I am flattered and honored to have you. But wher's your follow button? I can't find it! Let me know and I'll come back. Love, Keri a.k.a. Sam

  4. Wow you have been through so much! Thank you so much for sharing. You're an amazing woman, Cali!

  5. Jesus loves you, this I know, for the Bible tells me so...

    I will never forsake you or abandon you. Thus we may say with confidence: "The Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid. What can anyone do to me?" Hebrews 13:6

  6. This is my favorite post. You've been through so much, but it has made you the strong and amazing person I know and love today. I'm lucky to have you as my best friend! I wish I remembered more of when we met, other than you throwing whipped cream and gummi bears on a car...that you thought was mine, but wasn't! haha

  7. Thanks for stopping by my blog the other day. It's great to "meet" you. This is an awesome post. Such a cool idea. I might borrow it!

    You've had a very event filled life thus far. What a strong person I'm sure you have become. Look forward to reading your blog.

    Kristin - A Mother's Work Is Never Done

  8. OMG, I loved this -- particularly:

    "OH! and get a better DJ!! If you can't afford it, use an ipod...anything will be better than that asshat of a DJ you pick."

  9. wow! what an amazing post! your life sure has been full & it sounds like you have grown and learned some amazing life lessons. Love it.

  10. I like to read people's old posts so I stumbled upon this. You have an amazing story that totally made me cry. It seems like your life experiences have made you a pretty awesome person, thanks for sharing this with us. I'm off to continue exploring your blog!