Oh How Silly Of Me..

How young, optimistic, energetic, carefree and..whats the word Im looking for..oh ya, stupid I was when I used to say I would like to have my kids be very close in age and no more than 2 years apart. HA!

This is G (the daughter of one of my bff's so, by default, my daughters bff!) She is adorable, absolutely hysterical and sweet as can be..I mean really, she even shared her lunch with her teddy bear.

The age difference between G and H is just shy of what it would be like had I had another child right away. I love G dearly but watching the girls just further solidified my desire to in no way have another child any time soon. Not only is it exhausting but its just feels impossible sometimes to do everything I want/need to do with only two arms/hands! On a related topic, octopus moms must be super efficient and THANK GOODNESS for Sesame Street!

We live in a small 1 bedroom condo that we have had to work magic on in order for the 3 of us to fit comfortably (thank you Ikea!) but even if we lived in a home with plenty of space I still would not be interested in having a child in the near future. I don't know if these are the types of things you aren't supposed to say aloud but fuck it, I do because its true. 

The second my daughter was born I knew right away that it was just going to be the 3 of us for a while. Its hard to explain but I guess I feel like everything about having another child, right now, would just take away time, focus & moments with H (especially if my first trimester reared its ugly feel-like-shit head again.) Don't get me wrong, I loved being pregnant (after the first tri) and look forward to it again some day but not soon.

I think it works for some people (having 2 under 2 etc) but I feel like both children would suffer, in my case. I know I would not be able to give both the attention I would like them to have or the attention they deserve. I also think the educational teachings/playing I would need to do with H would suffer because I would be overwhelmed with all that comes with being a mom of a newborn. I give A LOT of credit to those who do it seemingly effortlessly! 

Two weeks ago I watched my cousins 5 week old for a half hour, at most, while she showered. Between her needing all the rocking, comforting & food that a newborn needs combined with H's desire to cover every inch of the house and climb every step it became slightly stressful. This was a bit surprising for me since I, if I do say so myself, took very easily to motherhood and all the comes with it and that is, in part, due to the fact that I had a very good baby. Which brings me to another topic, what the hell would I do if I had a colicky baby and H?! 

Just talking about all this gives me anxiety and, obviously, makes me ramble.

I just know that what is best for our family is to spend as much time with H and our family of 3. Soak up every cuddle, every smile, every new milestone met, every baby-booty shaking dance and just focus on creating lots of memories. Then in about two years when we, hopefully, live somewhere that is larger than 600 sq feet we will be very excited to welcome a new little monkey into our crazy clan!