Lets Talk It Out.

Perhaps its because I was raised by a psychologist but I believe everyone can benefit from being in therapy. I think there are always underlying issues (that we often aren't even aware of) and causes to the things we do that if we don't work on them and figure them out it will stunt our emotional growth. I always strive to grow as a person, emotionally, cognitively and spiritually, and though I have done a kick ass job (in my opinion) doing this on my own I believe that it would be a disservice to myself if I were to not get an outsiders view. Which is why I start therapy today!! I am so excited and anxious to learn all I can learn, grow as much as I can grow and share as much as I can share. It took me a long time and a lot of searching to find a therapist that I think is a good fit.

side bar: being in therapy is utterly pointless if you #1 dont have a good therapist and #2 don't have a connection with the person.

I was in therapy when I was younger-which in theory was a wonderful idea since I went through a lot at a young age and my dad wanted me to have someone to talk to other than him..and Im sure it would have been very helpful but I didn't totally trust her so I didn't tell her much. 

Sorry Dad..I could probably put a down payment on a house with my wasted therapy payments.

So, at 2pm I will be sitting in this lovely womans office (probably with first date butterflies) hoping for that connection, praying that she understands me and working on explaining what I am looking to gain. 

I don't know if you can tell but I'm pretty freakin excited!

and I'm sure you've been missing the girl so here is your daily dose of cuteness 

 (vocals by H's friend Gigi)

Reunited and it feels so goooood

Yup...that tune will be running laps in your brain all day..you're welcome.

In an attempt to see Hayden a few hours sooner than planned I met my MIL and GMIL (grandmother in-law) at the mall to eat us some PF Changs! The mall has a merry go round so I brought my camera in hopes of some cute pictures. H was half terrified and half loving it. She would say "WEEEEE" while looking like this:

I was using my new 50mm and for some reason the pictures weren't coming out as sharp as they used to (with my old 50mm that fell to its death.) I guess I have to check my settings but whateves.

 the girl loooves her shoes!

 the red were her fav...I preferred the sparkly ones.

Once we got home we got in lots of giggles with Daddy before bedtime.

Pretending to paint her already colored on canvas

 

 I don't know who loves family playtime more...her or us.

Baby laughs are like hugs for your insides..

 

...It's a shame she is such an unhappy baby...

When the babys away...

Being away from your child induces a weird mix of emotions. 

My MIL asked if she could take H for the weekend and I always hesitate, and for no other reason than I won't be with her..simple enough. I know how much H loves her time with her Gamma and Aunts so I, of course, send her their way. 

Its such an unfamiliar feeling to come home and be completely unscheduled and totally free of responsibility. We have the opportunity to be kinda selfish. No baths to give, no checking to make sure the 20 markers being flung around her room have caps on them, no sleeping with one ear open for the monitor. I am baby-less for 3 days which means I am able to let the mommy side of me completely rest for 3 days...

Breathing is a little lighter when you are baby-free. Its not in a good or bad way...although its a little good. Its nice to get a break from the stress of sticking to schedule, making sure to fit in all the attention, nutrition, hugs, kisses, fun, cleaning and sleep she needs before we get up and do it all over again.

I was enjoying my Cali-time (vs mommy-time) when I felt that squeezing feeling inside that I needed to hear my babys voice. I wasn't able to smell her sweet, strawberry-like smell but I could hear her delicious voice. She was napping when I called but a little while later my phone rings and I hear nothing...then "HI Mommy."

DELICIOUS! 

"HI BABY!! I miss you! were you napping?"

"yeeeaa" 

"Did you just wake up?" 

"yeeaa" 

"are you having fun?" 

"no?" 

(I was waiting for her favorite word to sneak its way into the conversation. As she said it I could picture her silly little head tilting as she raised her shoulder towards it while flashing that stinky grin.)
"i love you baby..can you say I love you mommy?" 

"::insert Haydens attempt at 'I love you'::" 

"I LOVE YOU!! bye bye baby" 

"bye mommy" and she hung up 

(obviously my child is not clever enough to call me on her own and hang up but my MIL sure made it feel that way and I loved it!) 

Hearing my daughter say "mommy" could make me spew rainbows it makes me so freaking mushy gushy. It literally sends warm tingles through my soul. Knowing that in a few days I will see her scrumptious face with arms outstretched waiting to be held against my heart makes me feel so blessed to have family I know love and care for her beautifully but also that I have such a bond with my child that she enjoys her time away but also can't wait to come home!

Im bored so here are 20 things!

1.Inside my purse, you’ll discover: unless H and I are going somewhere for a while I usually just carry my clutch that houses my phone, wallet, Flip, Blistex, teething tablets and a few random hair things. My purse has stuff for H like board books, snacks, diapers, wipes etc

2. If stranded on an island, the five things I couldn’t live without:
(excluding people)
1. AC (as in air conditioning not Slater)
2. Camera
3. food (including dessert)
4. sunblock because I would roast
5. computer with internet
 
3. On my nightstand you’ll find: this moment there is a glass of iced tea, haydens nebulizer, haydens "party shoes", a magazine, baby monitor, coupons and a note pad
 
4. When I grew up, I wanted to be: aside from a mommy-an english teacher, a vet, a national geographic photographer or a paleontologist..apparently I thought myself to be quite the Renaissance woman.
5. My comfort food: dessert-cookies, candy bars, ice cream, cupcakes...
6. The location where I write: wherever there is a pen and paper

7. Three songs on my IPOD’s most played list: i dont know where my ipod is :-(
8. If I was on the cover of US Weekly, my headline would read: awesome woman wins a shit ton of money and starts an awesomeblossom school
9. The three books that make me think of my childhood:
1. Madeline
2. The Magic Locket
3. anything RL Stein (my brother read them, not me...i was a chicken)

10. My favorite Chick Flick: any movie with Kate Hudson, Sandra Bullock or the like


11. My favorite Chick Lit book: i dont read those i dont think...my favorite book is The Glass Castle

12. My “must see” TV: the office, parks and rec, oprah, teen mom, jersey shore (vomit), desperate housewives...and so on and so on..
 
13. My Starbucks order: skim white chocolate mocha no whip
 
14. My favorite curse word:FUCK

15. My celebrity man crush: Christopher Meloni


16. My celebrity girl crush: Mila Kunis

17. My media crush: i guess im supposed to say soemthing like Anderson Cooper? but im going to go with the amazing Diane Sawyer because she is BRILLIANT!

18. Three words to summarize my book: i am not planning on writing one but if i did....My Lifes Lessons

19. It took me _____ to write my book. never bc ive never done it..
 
20. My book’s original title: My Lifes Lessons?

thanks to Shelley over at Im Still Standing for the post inspiration!

I'm Getting the Hang of This

Every now and then things seem to be flowing perfectly. 

Our plan, whatever it is at that moment, is being executed beautifully. Whether I'm driving, 
shopping, cooking, playing..I suddenly feel a calm flow from my head down to my

 fabulous new boots  and I think "I'm finally getting the hang of this." 
"This" being life as a mother. 

It feels so good. Like a runners high...or so I imagine (I'm not so much with 
the running....or exercising.) I am, for a moment, super mom. 
Then a few hours days later we are out of sorts. Rushing, anxious, cranky, 
tired, H won't eat/is hungry/ teething/had an untimely poop.. and I am just 
ready for 6:30. 6:30...when H and I read & cuddle before she is off to dream of

puppies & rainbows and I can begin to kinda sorta try to de-stress.

This is the cycle of mommyhood. 

Thinking you finally got it..you figured it out..you nailed 

it down..you can do it all! Then moments, days or weeks later everything changes. Your totally 

figured out child is now into new things, a new schedule needs to be made, their usual favorite

 foods no longer suffice, the laundry is piling up, dinner hasn't been home-cooked in days and 

lets not even delve into that time of day where you have to think about possibly having sex.

We all go through it..and this is why we all do it..

 baby cuddles

 and baby giggles

Im Getting Domesticated!

I am so impressed with myself! I always admired people who could menu plan, grocery shop accordingly and then actually stick to the menu. I never could. I would halfheartedly try, then not be in the mood for what was planned for the night and the whole thing was out the window while I ordered Chinese food. 

Well I guess Im being domesticated because this is my 3rd week of sticking with it!! ...and its easy! I may do it a little differently than others but who knows. In my overly organized mind I need to do it like this:

First I make a list of foods that we havent had in a little or any new things I want to try and the ingredients. Then I make a 2 week calendar and put a meal or "LO" (leftovers) in each day so I know exactly what is going to go down. 

This is the only way that it works for me. Then I go grocery shopping (every 2 weeks) and get all I need and then-some. I always spend about $160 for 2 weeks worth which I think is pretty damn good.

Some of this weeks recipies:
Sloppy Joes
Chicken Spaghetti
Baked Rigatoni (weight watchers)
Potato Skins

What We've Been Up To

H is sick so I stayed home with her today to take her to the dr. We thought she had the begining of another lung thang but turns out she has ear infections in both ears. Being my girl she is always in great spirits so here is a little glimpse of today and a few days ago..

Being brave stupid I decided to not wait until she was napping to shower. She apparently thought my shower needed a little spicing up so these are some of the things she threw in there while I was washing my hair.

 While she has no interest in using the potty for what it is designed for she does enjoy carrying it around and using it as a chair..

 ..and the dismount..

We had another snow day! This time it wasn't so bad and we actually got out of the house and went to RBounce with H's BFF Gigi. After lunch we had G and her mom come over to hang (Hayden had popcorn for the first time and is IN LOVE...just wait until she can have the really bad for you but disgustingly delicious movie theater popcorn!)

BFF KISSES!

 What do you mean your child doesn't wear mardi gras beads and a diaper while riding rocking horses?

 every now and then I catch this look from her and it gives me a little glimpse into her as a teenager..

 H and I spent last weekend at my parents since they hadn't seen her in a bit.

This is how Hayden effectively transfers blocks from one place to another..

Could you eat that smile with a spoon?!

My dad was cracking her up by doing something he used to do with me and my brother when we were in the bath..

and its called QUEEN ESMERALDA..she sounds a little like Mrs Doubtfire.