Excuses Excuses.

Well, I'm fat.

No, I am not down on myself, I don't have low self esteem..I'm a little fat.

I'm not shockingly fat or obese by any means but I am technically considered overweight for my height and age and I am sure I've been on the receiving end of an "Oh My God Becky look at her butt" glance every now and then. I have always had big hips and boobs but had been generally fit (without trying) until freshman year of college. I didn't gain the typical "freshman 15" but I mark that time in my life as the time my body seemed to think "oh, you are growing up? Time to lose your youngster metabolism!"

When I went off birth control in May 2008 I started gaining weight (weird right?!) and then I got pregnant and gained about 35 Lbs. I have not lost all the "baby weight" and luckily I don't have lose skin but I have the mom-pooch. That little bump at the top of your pants that makes someone wonder "bloated, pregnant or fat?"

If people are going to wonder about my body I want them to wonder how I look so fabulous....and apparently you have to work out for that to happen. FUCK!

My friend and I were talking about how our bodies have changed since the babies. How this and that spot just won't change and never will because thats the way its always going to be since having a baby and we just have to accept that--and then she launched the grenade...

"Is that the truth or is that what fat people say so they don't have to work out...are we making excuses? I mean we aren't really trying to make it change."

GREAT! Thanks Sarah! You had to speak the truth and now I have to work out.

So I then revealed that I have belonged to a gym for a few years but stopped using it a few months before I got pregnant. Once I had Hayden I was never comfortable leaving her in the babysitting there but now that she is mobile and can play I am ok with it. Then I found out that the price of the babysitting is included in my membership fees so I was technically already paying for it or it's free-depending on how you look at it.

My response? "I guess I have to start going now."

So thats what I am doing. I am starting the gym today.

I am not dieting (yet.) I am going to work out and see how my body responds (since we all know, it definitely wont respond as it used to pre-baby....bastard!)

I also have to be cautious of my back but its trial and error. 5 minutes on the treadmil might be fine but 7 minutes may make my sciatic nerve hate me...so we shall see!

I am going to keep a weekly or bi-weekly update of my adventure since I know that doing so will keep me on track and force me to go.

So, say goodbye to my thighs that rub together, my flabby grandma arms and my luv handles and say hello to a sweaty, panting mama.

I leave you with a picture of me from April 2008, when I thought I was fat...had I known I would've walked around naked all the time!