Friday, August 27, 2010

Post-Baby Translator

a Landmine
pre-baby: An explosive device (or if you are on the Jersey Shore, an ugly girl)
post-baby: a toy on the floor of Haydens room that makes noise when touched, kicked, stepped on etc and has the potential to wake her up if "detonated" when going in her room at night..

"Wanna do it?"
pre-baby: referring to sex
post-baby: referring to changing a poopy diaper ("she pooped...wanna do it?")

"I took a nice long shower"
pre-baby translation: "I took an hour long shower"
post-baby translation: "I took a 10 minute shower"

Going out to dinner
pre-baby: going to any restaurant you please and enjoying a relaxing, quite, leisurely meal
post-baby: going to a kid-friendly restaurant (usually a chain of some sort) and ordering as fast as possible, exchanging a few sentences about things other than the baby in between entertaining the baby then eating as fast as possible (while sharing your food with said baby) to make sure you are done before a meltdown occurs.

watching tv
pre-baby: watching your favorite show or movie anytime, uninterrupted
post-baby: watching PBS or Nick Jr with at least 4 interruptions every 15 minutes

"Did you hear that?"
pre-baby: referred to a burglar, weird nocturnal noises from a neighbor, a phone or someone at the door
post-baby translation: "oh crap, I think the baby is awake."

"Its your turn!"
pre-baby: referred to taking out the garbage, doing the dishes, cooking dinner, cleaning up etc
post-baby translation: its your turn to.....change a diaper, feed the baby, dress the baby, play with the baby, take care of the baby...or do anything to give mommy a break

"I got to sleep in today!"
pre-baby: not waking up until or after lunch time
post-baby: not waking up until 8:30am


  1. This was classic!! Sooooo true!! I couldn't have written this better if I tried:) Love the shower and the dinner before and afters!

  2. Love it!! They are all so true! I actually got to sleep in this morning and it was just like you said...till 8:30! Haha!!